I had mentioned somewhere that I stopped writing this blog 14 or 15 years ago because I got busy and because I didn’t feel the need to write. I thought I should probably explain that some.
When I started this blog back in 2002 I was unemployed, single and, after several months of unemployment, broke. I was depressed and living the life of a virtual shut in. I couldn’t afford to go anywhere or do anything – so I spent my days looking for a job and feeling sorry for myself. Writing became both a way to be a little introspective and a way to keep myself entertained for next to nothing money wise. Once I was working, and dating and had money – I didn’t need the therapy sessions anymore and I was busy with “real” stuff.
So then – that doesn’t really help to explain why now. I’m married, employed, making decent money and in basically the exact opposite situation I was before. Why then do I feel I need to write more?
Simply put: I’m miserable.
Somewhere I lost control of my life; lost control of my time. Somewhere I missed that I was in a rut and have dug it into a canyon. Somewhere I forgot to live my life.
My hope then, in writing again, is to find my way back to happy and content. I think more clearly when I am writing and my feeling is that if I start writing again regularly – it will help to straighten out my thoughts, clear away the cobwebs and pull me out of this funk.
I could be completely wrong…but it’s worth a shot.
You may ask yourself – why not just talk to someone? Because there are really only 2 people in my life right now I can talk to. One is a very good listener and gives decent advice. I do talk to her pretty frequently, but she is married and I don’t want her husband to get the wrong idea. The other has a toddler and another one on the way – and, quite frankly, I don’t want to burden her with my issues. Of my male friends, the 2 that I speak to most often just don’t get it. Their advice is usually to just suck it up. My best friend since childhood is a great guy as well – but he has his own issues he is going through with his family that are far worse than mine. I will not dump my issue son him.
So that leaves the internet. Not for a dialogue – the site has comments disabled – but for the ability to just get it off my chest and clear my head.